I hate to miss stuff in life… Even If it is overriden by yet another series of events, which I might end up feeling nostalgic for, Later Not sure if anyone understood the previous sentence. But It just poses such big questions in me, of which I have no answers.

My internship at UBS lasted for about 10 weeks. Nevertheless, 10 weeks was just enough to grow in love with the place, the office, the one raffles quay, the people, mmgui, onetool,  my buddies, my eight monitor workstation hanging above the turret from which brokers scream all day, the frequent rants over markets by traders all day, the cab drive at 2 A.M , the random chats with traders all over the world, occasional drinks at harry’s… last but not the least.. i enjoyed even the weekends and public holiday at work..

The early morning, research talk…. Mansoor, Gareth barry and his accentuated yet not so dramatic soothsayings about Markets for the rest of the day. He is the ORacle of UBS 46th floor, One raffles Quay.  The morning routine of writing up a quick forex report and sending it to my buddies, followed by the short walk to Spinelli to get the black coffee, cappucino for anshuman and a hazel nut latte for myself. I miss the hazel nut latte

The chore takes exactly about 15 mins, and I come back just in time when China opens… I never missed the action… Whoa… I miss even calling out the fixes for the day.. Talkin to the day traders and Most often(Almost all the time), being addressed by the day traders as if am a guy… all those “no prob mate” ” thanks mate”… “no worries mate… ” — Man , I miss those too…

I swear , they dint have a  clue that I was a girl, esp traders from outside singapore whom I only chat with. I enjoyed that too…  PErks of having a name like “bharathi thangamani ” ranges from your boss addressing u as “baraaaaati” when he sees you for the first time… to being called as “t(h)anga” (from the login username ) from those who chat. I had no cribbings. I enjoyed every bit of the new culture I was in.

And post lunch, when its time for London market to open.,,, I  wait for jon to come online from zurich., Sometimes, hoping he doesn’t pass critical remarks on the forex report i send him in the morning. But often, its just a casual chat over it… I liked it too. Jon is a great guy….

Sometimes, I get given some work by my buddy… like booking up an internal trade… which he explains veyr patiently to me.. .Which I scribble over a spinelli tissue haphazardly to make sure the calculations tally out…and No matter how much I did… I end up screwing one or the other of those internal trades.. Yet my buddy, being the most patient guy he is… gets back at me with a funny remark and GETs it right out of me. I miss the internal trades.

Often I do enjoy staying up late… At about 6, I take a short walk to Lau pasat , grab a quick ice tea or something and get back to my desk.. chat up a little with the GTP’s… laugh over the mistakes we did over the day… Man… I enjoyed those chats with ramandeep and narang too… Ibanking is indeed so much fun…. esp. when a new GTP when asked to punt(term to quick sell/buy in the market… non serious stuff..ppl do it just for manking quick money) usdsgd, kept selling low and buying high and later boasted to his boss on the profit he made to the desk.. Man,, sent roars of laughter to the desk ppl. ?Yes , Ofcourse there was a few 1000$ loss… but common, even this is a learning experience…I miss the goofed up trades

And the lengthy chats with Jon, turns the day even more productive… General IQ chats, Forex chats, Why markets work they are chats, Why we lost the one touch chats, and Go home early chats. I ENJOYED EVERY BIT OF IT.  And at about 10 or 11, after some contant shooin from Jon, I get the energy to get up from my seat … clear off the used up tissues from the desk… and leave for the day. On the way back home, I usually stop at  the Central mall subway(just when they are about to close) and grab a quick egg mayo sub and ice tea and head back home reflecting on how good/bad the day has gone…

I had indeed messed up my routine in lots of days… like doing the wrong trade and getting shouted at (ITS A TRADING FLOOR) for taking the wrong dealing call…Overall I took away soo much of learning and a wholesome 10 weeks of my life that I could recount every second of it…I enjoyed the people the most. Jon, Yan , anshu …Working with young intellectuals can be sooo cool…Every bit of it

Nevertheless, to the uninformed about me , Here comes yet another post in the #nostalgic series .  I’ve never really appreciated my stay incity of chennai, until my recent trip… when I began to realise that I loveeee sooo much about the city I’ve lived almost a 8 years…

Term V in B successfully turns most of us who are immersed in the world of vettiness, craving for some sort of adventure… While the exchange students had their own share of euro trips and oktoberfests  … I decided to make a trip to chennai for a 6 day break … Credits due to the subjects which had no midterms.

The very morning, I step foot into my house . … as early as 5:30 AM… after a quick hi’s and hello’s… I plead mom for a whole big tumblr of filter coffee… Sipping the coffee, and occupying the favourite side of my sofa, I rumble with the remote for familiar local tv channels… wow… the early morning tamil.. that fills ur ears after soo many months… even if it happens to be Amutha Mozhigal or Rasipalan

A quick shower follows.. and random chats with mom and dad. Saw my dad , all smiles for all of the morning…. And the extra niceness of my parents to each other kinda told me that they’;ve given a break to their bickering , atleast my arrival does mean something #happy couple I say…

I quickly get on my scooty, to drop dad at work. Its been years since I did that. #Bliss

Changed my mind, On way back home and I take a slight detour to grandma’s place (which is like 10 mins away from ours in guindy)

The routine of “enna dee…. ipdi elachittaa” comments follow … first from aachi, then from thatha….And then thatha, in his early morning josh goes on to enquire about my studies.

Thatha: “innum ethana varsham irukku”

Me: “just naaalu maasam dhan”

Thatha : “Avlodhaaan… illammma MBA moonu varsham padipaanga…neee thappa solre”

Me: “ayooo…ila thaatha.. course mudiya podhu(Mindvoice says..thatha might be right.. u are doing a PGP after all)” — And I quickly walk away before the talk progresses to placements and jobs. Uff, even mentioning the word is depressing I say…

Vignesh and Poo (My cousins are at home) and I chat away till 10 AM … and If not for the #promptpowershutdown at 10, I would have joyfully chatted away till the rest of the morning…. Anyways the promptness of our area electricty board(Ivainga mattum dhan velaiya olunga paakraainunga ), forced the new found bang chick in me to get back home…

“Young GenX population” —> Visiting home , after nearly 3 months gives this GenX this virtuous right to change TV channels even when Athi pookal is on. I exercised every bit of that right. Watching Masterchef Australia, TLC and savouring mom made lunch of puli kulambu +parruppu rice +vadagam +sunda vathal  , was #blissagain.  Followed by a 3 hour afternoon nap… and getting up again to mom’s coffeee….Wow…

Man, What more does one want in life? 

Evening , I took my Scooty again to pick up dad and decided to roam off the city on the pretext of buying a helmet. We went to  the Rainbow helmet store in Greams road.. (Rainbow is this helmet manufacture who makes it a point to stick bright red stickers of his company logo on every piece that he sells, so much so that one can count rainbow’s on prominent traffic signals in Chennai)…

On the way back, I get this crazy thought of having an ice cream… And Dad entertains my idea by taking me to Gangotree #opposite stella marris. (Flashback  )I’ve spent like every other weekend during my 12th, getting the ChocoNuttyDip from Gangotree while on the way back from coaching classes. Well, I was taking some useless classes for PMPD (#useless me) and only the icecream part of the day was worth looking forward to(/Flashback ). Chatting away merrily with dad, I realise ChocoNuttyDip tastes just the same, though its price has increased by an approx 45% in 5 years. #BlissAgain

Again follows a crazy tot, of visiting the neighbourhood where we stayed for 5 yrs. Gopalapuram. And What use is a visit to old house , if none is made to the nearby temple. (Flashback )Gopalapuram Krishnan Temple , Oppositie kalaignar house(Which just has 2 policekaars, now that he is no more the C.M, was an amusing part of me-and-dad conversation. Innocent bystanders are often victims to our mokka jokes) (/Flashback ) . In we enter, Gopalapuram temple and I find myself in the company of lots of familiar faces. Right from the guy from the shoestand. Couple of iyers have aged a little and most of them greeted us…  (Flashback ) Ivlo nyabagam vechirkaanga. Pinna irukaadhaa, Enna maari, kashtappattu DAV’la padicha aalungalaam…  Kovillukku pogaama enga povaanga… (/Flashback ) .

And then we returned back home.. Me(sitting pillion) munching the tulasi leaves one by one… like a dutiful kid… With so much of a sense of fulfillment as the end of day approached…. ..Which is when I began to think,

Why did I ever want to go abroad? Do I still want to? If at all, What would I even be willing to trade this amazing life with?

There are some things in life, which are so very inconsequential when it happens, yet so very beautiful when we look back and experience it again .

P.s As for the rest of the 5-day break. I fell sick (Chang of climate/Gango tree Icecream or the stupid Electricty power outs for making be sweat a lot).  Anyways Well, If you have all the fun in one day. Then there is nothing much left anyway. #They say #No Regrets

P.s 2: End of post. Overall I had an awesome time. Every bit of it !

Am more amused by the fact that this piece of intellectual literary property of mine seems to amuse me more NOW than ever. Amazing, What all life changes !!!!

Here It is !!

Millions of reasons to laugh…..
However the mind tends to hold on
To the one……………….
The one that is never going to make u laugh
One that’s going to linger always….
To suck ur life like a dementor……..

Unleashed like a killer dragon…
Unguarded though you are…..
Unemployed to meet its rage,
Not coz you’re weak……
Coz you’re too strong to let it go…..
Coz it’s the only one u can hang on toooooooo

Pathetic is what you think your life is….
With all those around u….
At their Sympathetic best….
Offering words of comfort…
Will this Hang On…Forever….
Is this what I am meant to be….

I want to LIVE A LIFE….
Yet Here I am…………….

Miserable! Mourning!!!

Well, It happened to me in just one year. Not quite monumental, but definitely worth writing about.

So, 2010 there I was doing the final semester of the god forsaken course Msc(Which I even hated to think of as a graduate choice of study, but one which had changed my life course for sure), and there comes a stream of options for me. A fully funded (with extra pocket money) doctoral studies at World No 7 Univ Vs. an MBA at IIM,Bangalore. I mean? What is this… Stroke of luck or consolidation of hard work manifesting all at once… not sure, but i dint give careful thought to it.. Unlike other peers who would work out a 2X2 matrix to figure out which option would be the best in the risk vs return , I just flipped a coin and decided it was IIMB(A).

It was quite a funny choice, I did not even give a thought about what I will be studying as an MBA student, contrary to the hours of effort I had put on deciding which courses and prof’s I would choose in my second yr of MS at the Austin univ(I profiled all the good ones, and even talked to few of their students). Very funny actually. And It took me two weeks into the campus to realize that this had been my worst mistake in Life. It was not self realization, more of peers actually. I was actually amidst guys/gals/and old men who had charted out their stay at IIMB inch by inch, so much so that I begun to think I would probably be the only person in the whole of campus who did not take this affair seriously.

I did not know exactly what credit and debit was until I sat in my first financial accounting class(to my dismay, it turned out the 3/4 of class had already read the first two chapters of textbook let alone solve the book back exercises). And there started the misery. Acads,- and my stream of questions. What is happening in this World of MBA? Why this ? Why that? Why cant people take life easy???and qns and lack of answers extended into sleepless nights(of what cushy ppl portray as night outs.) I guess I lacked a natural respect for MBA’s. I took CAT primarily cos It had math and it was challenging and never even dreamt about making it to an IIM in the first attempt. Anyways, so days just rolled by and I took my time at leisure to decide what I would not be doing for the rest of my life.

Sales & Marketing – Nah, nah ,nah – Are you kidding me???? I cant even sell myself at a job interview – It would be humanely impossible for anyone to find a good marketing manager in me, I bet !

Consulting – Well, someone really has to answer this qn for me? What do these guys do? I mean they provide consulting, essentially referring to solving problems etc.etc to big corporate clients. But Isn’t that what all of the MBA’s do…? Solve big big problems, and later raise the collar and say… “well thats why u need an MBA” – anyways I guess its not my type.

Finance: Ah ha!!!! When I have even said a No to math. and Finance is synonymous with math/numbers etc.etc. Three years ago, when subprime happened, ppl talked abt it a lot. and What I knew of it, could very easily be compacted into two simple sentences” – That much was my awareness of this world. I dint care less either. But here I am, thinking that maybe , I should give it a lot of thought before eliminating it as an option. and a Year of study passed , and I still could not find a good reason to get away from this. Well, I’d say I was just indifferent with no touch of aversion . Until that happened. Well that part of my life was called “Internship”.

It was when I was very seriously writing my pepsico application essay that the stream of shortlists started coming. RBS came, Nomura , den JPM, den GS, then another GS, and ANOTHER ONE (Are u kidding me?????GS… man… am i lucky or wht???? ) and bofa, citi, and then the hero of all … my dear dear dear UBS So den, the good old days returned. After talkin to lot of seniors, I pushed GS down the list… and UBS , JPM came on top. I must say, I was kinda intr. in both. …

After abt 3 weeks of hardship(I did actually work for the interviews…more of the peer factor than of choice of course. ) and finally landed an offer with the FX Options trading desk in UBS Singapore. I

and then came the life changer. Which actually deserves a special special post , cos that’s the impact that this three letter worded bank had created on me. In just about 10 weeks, can someone fall in love? Well… If you are really jobless and if u think, you still have more time to continue being one, please read the next post…

Cheers,

Bharathi

Its almost been a whole year since I blogged. Contrary to what one might think, I have actually been lil busy. Lots of new developments in life.

Its been one year and I have passed out of one College and got enrolled in another. It seems like all that I’ve been doing my whole life is either to attend classes or cram for exams. Sickkkk life I kno

And this college seems all the more engaging (U put all my five yrs of study at Anna Univ and U still won’t cover one single term at IIMB) Yes. Thts where am doing my PGP in Management. Sad….

So its feb 16 [and Yet another V'day passed without you-know-who]..But I see some good signs indicative of next yr being tad different [I am not going to dream much, but c'mon we've all had our share of dreams]…
So with zilch of a guy/romance or anything even remotely related to ROMANCE , here is a WOE-MAN enjoying her Filter kaapi at 6 in the morning with mom and dad pampering her.And this feels good too.

Speaking of Romance, today’s is Nithya’s engagement…So am in chennai after nearly two months of TERM III at bangalore. Can’t wait to see Madam’s face basking in tht new found glory of hers…. [Ya , we consider advancing to this new phase of life a Glorious Achievement ]

me: vanakam
Naren: vanakam machi whts up??
pongal eppadi pochu?
me: epavum pola…
neenga ena panreenga
pisya?
Naren: he he… as usual… preparing my porfolio
updating stuffs
me: nice nice….
Naren: machi… my friend is in uk
doin MBA his roommate commited suicide by hanging himself

me: y?
Naren: no scope after the course
me: bad
Naren: yeah…
i dunno how to react
me: u know
UK has lot of dubakoor univss
indians get fooled by de names
Naren: hmmm…. how do ppl get scared of the future

me: thinkin themselves in future
see like
u think … next month u ll be in some X place doin some Y thing
u wud have mapped out sumthin like tht for a yr
suddenly…tomo … Ur bein in de X place and doin Y thing is
invalidated by the occurence of sum Z event .den comes the
biggest qn of ur life
Wht next??
if u dont have a back up plan … u are doomed
Naren: he he…. but the entire theme is extremely unique n different

me: see like u ve planned to get retired by 32 yrs of ur age rite?
Naren: yup
me: by 30… if u get 5 kids (which is very probably of happ..even if
u try now)… tht very fact wil not make u retire for another 50
yrs..(10 for each kid)
Naren: ada pavigala
me: assume u get fired by 33
mudinju pochu … kadha… purinjudhaa
Naren: i understand this part…
but after 33
thr s 50% probability
tat it may go either way …y shdnt i b happi for the good 50

me: wel… if thts enuf for u
Naren: isnt tat the purpose of BE n MBA
me: human beings are toooo greedy
simple…aftr 5 yr u imagine ur self with a lambo revelton car
and a penthouse suite ….. and wht actually happens is tht..
u jus get a two bedroom flat…wil u b happi?
Naren: i shd b coz tats wht i worked for
all am tellin is
me: u shud.. but u wont…
tel
Naren: my imagination of a lambo revelton car and a penthouse suite
leads me to a better place than my imagination of a two bed
room flat ..i think tats how it works .. isnt it?
me: yeah… so wil u b happi ? even if its not wht u expected
Naren: yup…
me: difficut
Naren: c.. wht i expect is more important than wht i get
me: ya… wont u expect to get wht u expected ind e first place?
Naren: i expect with a 100% accuracy.. my expectation is so
accurate tat it cant be 100% true in reality

me: u wil settle for atleast 80% + not for a minus 50%
Naren: so all tat happens to me is 0-80% of ecpectation
me: ok 0-80%
Naren: k
me: wht if none of it happens… 0 %
is tht okay?
i mean… we cant jus diges de fact tht… nothin went right..not
even a 2%
Naren: at tat point wont i have another set of expectation?? is thr a
fixed point whr i shd chk
me: u wud be tooo exhausted to start expcectin again
see…. think practical
take tht MBA guy
de guy wud have joined de unicv… under wht all
circumstance… he might ve even sacrificed a good payin job
an family.. etc .. his expectation stays alive for 2 yrs…
an placements come..
he sees no scope.. grave reality
he dint have a back up plan..cos he was tooo sure of his main
Plan .. which might be gettin into morgam stanley or mkcain
etc… c’mon de guy dinteven give a tot of de flip side
suddenly how can de guy change his expectation..when he is
not even in a position to ACCEPT de real thin… thts a point in
future when u lose eveythin… like a gamble… lose all
hope,faithe,belief, confidence…
also ur happiness
Naren: wen u lose all hope,faithe,belief, confidence… wont u b
strong?
me: it is an out-of-world thing for a human to be happy … at
such momentss.
Naren: like u hav no more to lose ??
me: its easy to tlk naren
seriously i ve seen few ppl… who ve jus GIVEN up
u wont be strong… u ll jus give up tryin … thts it…
Naren: :O
me: later wht happens… may be histroy
but THT moment… U have to go thru

Naren: with a supportive heart
lik parents – gf
me: ha ha… with a supportive sweetheart
Naren:
me:
guess wht… i am goin to post this in my blog

Naren: he he
me: suggest a title :0
Naren: null point

point zero
me: dei
waokay… dedicated to u
Naren: he he
me: Point Zero : Life – As it shud never be
Naren: nee kalaku

what can we calle these ppl ..Human beings …Not at all…..Tamil Nadu’s Health Minister is M. R. K. Panneerselvam. The Minister for Environment and Sports is Thiru T. P. M. Mohideen Khan. ..and several others who stood watchin a dying cop cry out for help…. Pppl like them should be punished…. and Even the most gruesome kind of punishment wud jus seem not enough for a CRIME of this magnitude…Crime of not helpin a fellow human being who is fighting for his life….

I am sure… Any HUMAN who might have watched this video in various news channels..wud not have had a good nights; sleep… It dint for me… It made me think…Wht kind of world are we in?? and Wht kind of life are we leading today?..One tht is either after money or name or power or popularity or all those materialistic things which seem to get more respect nowadays than a fellow human…

Where is the love ? compassion towards another human? Shud tht not drive our lives of today… the love we have for our dear ones.. an de compassion we show towards beings of our KINd… HUMAN… i wonder where it disapperared  for those crowd of ppl who were standing motionlessly watching the man die….And then ,I realised maybe all this love ,passion stuff is becoming extinct among the general population… There might come a time where u might even forget to smile at a passerby ,say a casual hello to a train companion,,, a friendly nod ..some nice gestures…which wud actualy bring ou tthe human in you…

I cannot jus imagine the plight of the dear ones of the Cop … for whom.. their [Father/Son/Husband/Friend..Etc] was being brutally murdered by the spectators… more by their silence…They must feel terrible and nothin of wht we cud say wud alleviate the pain…for such a pain of watchin a dear one cry out for help…and later die.. is THE MOST TERRIBLE OF EVERYTHIN

It wud not be too much to ask of …someone who is spendin this second readin this post… to spend few more seconds to promise himself/herself… that under whatever circumstances… should u be pushed to behave like one of the heartless few of tht crowd….. Even If u dint have a chance…

An… Lastly… I wish they go to hell… ppl who were morally responsible to the cops death

1) College life ends officially…[ No more campus-canteen gossip talks...No more bunkin assessment(bunkin class is old fashion)...no more xerox takings...no more post-semester pre-result moments....]

2) Best buddy leavin town for work…[Will miss de times of 2005-2009 when i spent with her]

3) School buddy gettin married in Feb 2010…[ Best wishes Ananya ... but OMG... why am i SCARED now ... ]

Oh God…where did the happy-go-lucky days … go?
When u wake up everyday as if it was everyother day..when u almost took for granted ,tht it cannot be a diff day…hang out friends an everythin….where de utmost tots in de stack wud be sum silly gossip stuff…nuthin serious…ultimate fun…when we actually tot ,,tht de rest of the life is goin to be like any other day…

but Alas…

Life is takin a turn,for good or bad..

Never tot I will really miss sumthin in my life… be it food or family (well …two top rated in the list of always-will-be-missed entities in life)…
Few more hours… an Ill misss one living entity i tot I never would…feels like bile…seriously…

Muthu is leavin to bang in a few hrs..(well technically to rameshwaram with their new RITz(which kinda screwwed up the last min plans.. she wasn;t supposed to leave until tomo nite…[read 30 dec 10 PM]…de RITZ rewrote tht as [30 Dec 2:00 AM]…) Too early…3-4 hrs more…

I got sumthin for her…but am not sure if ill be able to giv it to her….So goes this mail(tot of writin sumthin in pap…nothin like a personalised letter…but too many ppl at her home…might mistake my PDA as sum kind of lost love..watever)

Muthu,

U are the best ever. When I met you,I tot u were this nice girl who used to stop by…with Hi’s Hello’s in the first sem… nothin overdone…jus the way it is… [Read FIRST SEM]
Den the Nice girl from the third bench got transformed into a good friend sittin alongside me… [Second Sem]…Never tot the Good would get any better until the fourthfifthsixthsem… It never occurred to me…tht we spent most of the times together …Quite unintentional though fortunate… anga dhan…basement pottom To be frank,I never tot ,I never realised that One day I will be writin a mail to u..About U [ ]

Jus when I tot the better kind was gettin way better… IT SOON BECAME THE BEST in the intern semester…Well U never actually stood up for anyone as much as u did for me…[Remember] …I tot U were one type when u actually did…FOR ME….If not for heymath…I will not be missin u today… [its kind of a paradoxicall...Heymath got us close..an since it did tht day ...I feel like... I might miss u today]….
Think of it… a person’s day starts with a coffee… for us.. we had lotsa varieties in tht…
Canteen spl coffee[before,after,in between classes]… mostly tea for u… to ananda bhavan cold coffee [every weekend...for one yr..] to cofffee day cappucino [Eppovaadhu..aanaa.. atleast once in six months..]..We ve shared soooooo much tooo tel muthu….Jus cant get enough of it….I can still taste the coffeee …

We almost lived together..[PPL dont read this wrong]..We kinda had common routines…de fact tht our places were quite close made it evitable for me to drop by hers at every possible moment… remember de time when my mom went to canada… i practically had my evenings at ur house…[With food ofcurss ]… den came the CAT classes…[we were togther except for the days u bunked..]..or de usuall wanderings … random… window shoppin [Before de nano came...We actually had plans to book a nano together...jus for the heck of it..romba cheap la ] ..to actual shoppin …I actually have lotsa accesories tht u chose for me…an thts when ur tailor became MINE….we did lotsa stuff together…not to mention de gurjus…Be it anythin , I always had u by the side… to do my stuff…It feels jus odd to think,, I ve start living on my own… feels like getting single again

Hopin one day.. We will relive all of it…Again again an again…

U … I think It must be some bumper offer…Some kind of Pot luck… or Mad chance… when THE ONE wrote my life down …. He[Read God] decided to give me U Muthu…As a good friend… for LIFe….

Wishing you all luck,,,chance,,,odds,,evens,,,,all good things should be aligned towards u…At all times…[Even if it does disobey the laws of equilibrium]

Cannot say Bye yet..